Week 12: spinning the focus dial on my spotting scope, hoping the picture clears...

Hey, good morning!! Live, from south west Florida, it's Monday Morning!!!

Well, it looks like VBS, although he is leading, cannot win. If New Orleans wins, Erin07 is going to win the week. If the Patriots win, Sears is going to win. I think.

I seem to have "cleaned up" my ugly picks... If I hadn't gone with the Giants, wow, I could have covered myself with glory... Every time I pick the Giants, I end up wondering "What was I thinking???? Gaaah!"

I'm pretty sure I've entered a surreal, parrallel universe here... I'm not kidding. I'm gonna have to have my dosage adjusted.... the things I'm seeing down here, they just can't be real. This can't be happening. My next post, I fully expect I'll be typing with my toes, in a padded cell, wearing a straight jacket.

I hope you're sitting down, but in this house, yesterday afternoon, my Pop, my Dad, my Father, was pulling for the Chicago Bears.

They were playing against the Minnesota Vikings, featuring Brett L. Favre at Quarterback.

I clearly underestimated the amount of hate that is out there, for the guy who piloted us to Super Bowl Glory....

Let me flesh this out for you: My Dad is a Green Bay Packers Shareholder. He has lived and died with this team since before I was frickin' born, okay...

If you had my Dad duct taped to a chair, and a sweaty middle-eastern freak was holding a .45 automatic against the side of his head, and you told him "Cheer for the Chicago Bears. Cheer for them, you infidel!!", He would have said "F.U., pull the trigger, you assbag!!"

Honestly, I would have bet my life he would have refused to cheer for the Bears. And I would have lost. Clearly, he'll cheer for anyone who is playing the Vikings, and the "Judas" that is Brett Favre. Even the hated, hated Bears team to the south of us.

I don't know how you could top that. Whats next?!?! I shudder to think. I recoil in horror. I suppose this morning he'll wander out into the kitchen and announce that the Chosen One and Nancy Pelosi know what's best for the country, and we oughtta support them in their efforts...

Aside from losing my mind, and seeing things that clearly can't be happening, things are going fine, yeah.... I'm just gonna sit here in denial, and hope it gets better. Probably the best policy.

Saw more bad kicking yesterday. 30 yard punts. Missed field goals. Kickoffs that barely get to the 15 yard line... Then I saw a guy make a 52 yard field goal. Good kicking is clearly the exception, not the rule.

So again, if you have a son, nephew, cousin, whatever.... If they're not kicking 50 footballs a day, I shake my head in despair. Free college. 20 year career in the NFL. Yeah, you're right, who needs that crap.... I suppose the youth of today would rather send a text message than kick a football...

Well, good luck to Sears and Erin07 tonight. Should be a great game, in all seriousness. A big Patriots win wouldn't surprise me in the least, to be honest. I think week to week, the AFC is tougher. The elite AFC teams are just a tad more battle hardened... Just a feeling I have, I could be dead wrong.

Watching that Steelers Ravens game, wow. Those are tough teams. Cincy really beat both of those teams twice??? Really??? Shouldn't we be penciling them in for a Super Bowl appearance right now??? Can we really say it's a fluke, beating them both twice?? 4 football games, they got flukey lucky?? I just don't know.

What am I saying.... The Steelers and Ravens are both comfortably ensconsed on the east coast... No midwest team is going to get any respect from east coast sportswriters....

Don't look now, but Vince Young won another game. Himself. On a 99 yard drive, under two minutes. He threw for 94 of the 99 yards. He converted 3 4th downs. Unreal. What a crazy deal. The owner had to basically force him back into the starting lineup, and now he's playing out of his mind. What next???

And once again, go on the website. Hover your mouse over "pools". Click "My pool settings". Go down to "autopick options"....

Week Eleven: The Double Tap!!!

Well, VBS, scoring the "Double Tap". Two straight wins. Nice job buddy. Nice job.

My picks have suddenly started to stink like a nasty dog turd out behind the garage. Yeeeiiick. Gonna have to "clean that up"(*) before next week.

(*) "Clean That Up", copyright Michael McCarthy, 2006, all rights reserved.

Public service announcement: To all players (especially Ardita), if you're not sure you can get your picks in, use the website to select an "Autopick" option. If you DO go ahead and make your own picks, it will not change your picks. However, if you cannot make your picks, if you forget, if your dog eats your homework, WHATEVER, the autopick will put in picks for you. And, I will tell you in total honesty, several weeks have been won with an "All favorites" autopick... Just sayin'...

An intriguing observation from a blogger I read:

In Christmas-is-coming news, man of the worldly mind, do you believe in the Crabtree Curse? San Francisco was 3-1 before signing Michael Crabtree and is 1-5 since. Do you believe in the Kern Kurse? As noted by reader Diego Arias of Delray Beach, Fla., the Broncos were 6-0 with Brett Kern as their punter, and have gone 0-4 since waiving him. The Titans were 0-6 without Kern, and are 4-0 since claiming him off waivers from Denver.

Intriguing... Kern didn't look super great either. Why am I talking about punters?? Good question. Let me tell you this: the quality of punting and place kicking, in both college FB and NFL FB, is atrocious. The Texans trotted out a 41 year old dude to punt for them. Jeremy Kapinos has been atrocious for the Packers, and he is apparently THE BEST WE CAN FIND. Sean Landeta punted until he was collecting social security, I think, despite never being more than an "average" punter, with a below average leg, and a knack for downing kicks at the ten yard line from time to time. Place kicking, my gosh, don't get me started... How many short, makeable kicks have I seen missed this year, college and pro... I wish I had ten bucks for each one, I'll tell ya that.... Pay my gasoline to Florida, no problem. MY POINT, people, is this: if you have a son, a nephew, a cousin, whatever, between the ages of 9 and 14, that boy needs to be KICKING. Not soccer balls, either. NFL Footballs. That young man needs to go to punting camps, placekicking camps, leg training camps, camps put on by former kickers.... whatever. If he can kick A LITTLE, he's going to go to a fine college for free, and then play in the NFL for 20 years. If your son is NOT learning to kick, don't blame me for your tough luck in life. Your son/nephew/cousin must kick. Period. Hear me now, and believe me later. The sport of football itself is depending on him, to say nothing of your familial wealth....

Vince Young actually looked pretty good, I thought. When they spread it out, and run that option play, the Titans are dangerous. Truly.

Do you wanna know who Vince Young's biggest fan is?? How about Florida's Tim Tebow?? Seriously, the more success Vince Young has, the higher Tebow's NFL draft value soars...

The Patriots on 4th and 2. Okay, I've seen the replays, read 50,000 words on the subject... I'm already tired of it. I will say two things: One, I didn't like the spot at all. I thought he got it. Two, let us recall this: In 1995, Dallas went for it on fourth-and-1 from its own 29 in the closing moments of a tie game, in order to avoid punting back to the Eagles. Emmitt Smith was stuffed at the line, and The Cowboys went on to lose by three -- the Cowboys also went on to win the Super Bowl that season. So there.

After the 4th and 2 fiasco/loss to the Colts, Bill Simmons pointed out in a podcast that "Bill Belicheck owes me a remote control." Hehe heh. Nice. I'll tell ya what, after last Thursday, Jake Delhomme owes me $5 for this week... donkey!

The Florida Boys somehow knew Miami was gonna win that game... Maybe proximity gave them some kind of insider edge. Or maybe they rightly recoiled in horror when they realized they were hitching their wagon to Jake Delhomme... Hmmm.

Let's talk about something else: the utter, complete, and total wasteage of coaches challenges. This last weekend, I saw so many, I can't even keep track. Mike "bag of Doughnuts" McCarthy, pulling a completely pointless challenge in the first half, with no hope of winning it. Bill "Darth" Belicheck, wasting BOTH challenges in the first half against the Jets. Dude, you might wanna save one, in case you REALLY get jobbed in the second half, eh??? After last year's Super Bowl, do these coaches really need to be reminded to save at least one, for something really aggregious???

(Do I have to remind you??? The Arizona Cardinals were getting raped by the officials... Ken Whisenhunt won his 2 challenges, and thus was awarded a "third" challenge... Which I also feel is absurd... If you win the challenge, you should not lose that challenge....You should still have 2)

Seriously though, in the second half, don't you HAVE to have a challenge and a timeout held in reserve, just in case of some outrageous officiating??? Isn't that Coaching 101???

Anyways, get your picks in people, pleeze.

I'm leaving for florida in a day or two... I was re-reading my other blog the other day, and I re-lived THE ROUND OF MY LIFE. We're talking golf here. If you wanna read a blow-by-blow of the finest 18 holes of my life, check it out at http://advoffireplug.blogspot.com

And congrats to VBS. 6 weeks to go. I can feel the noose tightening. The sands of the season are passing us by... Drink it in, people, drink it in....

Week Ten: Trying to Focus my Leupold Scope...

Well... That was interesting.

I guess congrats have to go out to VBS, nice job.

By rule, I should point out that Ronfic is tied at this point, and if Cleveland wins, depending on the score of said Cleveland win, He oculd win the tie.

I'm tempted to say "It seems highly unlikely Cleveland can win.", but then, it's been a crazy week. It seemed highly unlikely Washington, Green Bay, Carolina, or Jacksonville could win.... Hmmm...

Was that the same Green Bay team that died, and left a stench at Tampa Bay?? I'm still in shock.

A totally pointless win anyway. We're going nowhere. That win simply bought Ted "Beady Eyes" Thompson another year in his plush office. Pathetic.

Steve Czaban (who normally, I love) tried to make the point this morning that "It's impossible to return to the 70's and 80's level of sucking... With modern free agency, and salary caps, it's impossible."

Oh really?? Really? Yeah, I don't know if you're keeping up on current events there Steve-O, but Ted Thompson DOES NOT UTILIZE FREE AGENCY!!! Tedly's idea of going out in free agency and getting a guy is signing Ahman Green off the scrap heap. While Randy Moss waltzes on by, with your star QB offering to give money back... Did you see Randy Moss last night, catching deep balls, and generally being the best wideout in the game?? Tedly watched him walk on by. Watched. Him. Walk. On. By. Still think we can't stink for 20 years??

2nd Point, Think it's REALLY impossible to STINK for years and years under free agency?? Really?

The Cleveland Browns got their team back in 1999. Since that fateful year, they are 55-114. 32% winning percentage. Two seasons above .500 in 11 years. One playoff game. Period. 7 of these seasons have featured 5 wins or less. I'd call that sucking. I would.

Steve Czaban also opined that "The Packers sold out every game, even when they sucked." Uhm, yeah, I guess. Yeah, we had a waiting list for season tickets. However, if you read the excellent book by Ron Wolf, you will note that the first game he attended as GM, with The Immortal Lindy Infante at the controls, yes, the game was "sold out". However, less than 20,000 people were in the stands. Over half your season ticket holders, in other words, not only chose not to go to the game, but they COULDN'T GIVE THEIR TICKETS AWAY, either.

So, let's not kid ourselves here. And to me personally, Tedly is taking this team apart, one bolt at a time, one part at a time, and throwing it in the dumpster.

Anyways, say what you will. I just don't see McCarthy & Thompson hoisting the Lombardi trophy someday, unless they go downstairs into the Packer hall of fame and borrow one of those three...

Watched some of the Colts and Patriots last night. Either one of those teams would fillet the Packers, roll them in a nice breading, deep fry them to golden goodness, and eat them for dinner. Those are good football teams. When I fell asleep, the Patriots seemed to be in total control. I guess I shoulda taped the game, now I'm curious how they could have lost...

Well, I'm 91.7% sure that congrats go out to VBS....

Good luck next week!

Week 10: Eyeing these games through a Leupold Scope...

Well, first off, congrats go out to Air Myles.. Nice win.

Secondly, yesterday was Veterans Day. My deepest thanks to all our veterans. I can never adequately express my gratitude to those who have protected our freedoms. We have at least one veteran in the pool, so, thanks very much. Despite what you might see or hear from some politicians, or the media, most of us are deeply proud to be Americans, deeply grateful for the freedoms we treasure, deeply appreciative of the sacrifices you have made for all of us, and very proud of the job you have done over the years...

Moving right along... As a U-Verse customer, I am watching the NFL Newtwork in HD right now. Time Warner customers are not seeing this right now. A few quick observations, to clue you in:

1. Their pre-game is not good. Deion, I loved you as a player, but as a studio talking head, you'd make a great fork-lift driver in a warehouse somewhere...

2. Their announcing crew, Bob Papa and Matt Millen... Weak. Every time Matt Millen speaks, I just think "Why am I listening to analysis by the dude who authored an 0-16 season??"

Thus, let's just say it's absurd that they're trying to strongarm Time Warner for more money. They oughta GIVE this crap away, and hope like hell someone watches... Chicago at San Francisco.... hmmm... Not exactly Minnesota at the Saints, eh?? Yeah. Exactly. Plus, I swear they've given themselves permission to run extra commercials... Nothing but commercials. Give this away, dudes. It's utterly absurd that this isn't on every cable system in the free world.

More observations: Jay Cutler just threw an ugly pick at the goal line. Ardita just poured gasoline all over himself and lit a Marlboro Light....

Frank Gore looks pretty good.

Alex Smith, other high draft pick opposite Aaron Rodgers, also seems to like to hold the ball... but otherwise, he looks good.

Michael Crabtree looks REAL good.

Vernon Davis is pretty good too.

Hard to believe we're still scoreless....deep in the second quarter, 49ers look like they're in total control... They did miss a field goal, but they're moving the ball... Whoops, Alex Smith just threw an ugly pick, trying to hit the deep pass to Crabtree. Dueling interceptions.

False start, Bears. Holding, Bears. I guess that's why we're scoreless.

Wow, 3rd and forever, Bears run a screen? A screen? And it gains 40 frickin' yards? Wow.

Uh ohhh, Cutler Throws, whoops, 49ers interception, run all the way back to the 15!!! Is someone going to score???

Frank Gore explodes through the middle, untouched into the endzone, TD Niners. At the 2 minute warning, we have a score!!!

I'll tell ya what, with 40 minutes per hour of commercials, I have all kinds of time to type here... Wow. Did you know that Motorola has a new super-phone out called the Driod?? Yeah, me neither.... I love these phones... I just wanna make phone calls. Seriously, I don't need to surf, text people, download apps (whatever the hell "apps" are), or any other crap. I just want a phone. What's next, the I-Pipe Wrench?? You can surf, download music, and tighten up pipe fittings?? The I-Circular Saw??? How about the I-Hammer?? Surf the web for 4 hours, then pound in a nail.... Steve Jobs, call your office...

Whoops, back to football. First down, Jay Cutler, damn lucky he wasn't picked again, wow. Begging for a pick. 2nd down, run Forte for a couple. 3rd down, screen, picks up ten. They need to run the screen more... NO huddle, another first down.

Whoops, time out, another 20 minutes of commercials coming up.... This Miller Lite commercial is so lame, first off, question 1, the girlfriend asks him "If me and Buster were hanging over a cliff, who would you save??" Dude, she looks kinda whiney to me, save your doggie. Just a little tip there.

Coming out of a time out, Cutler can't get the ball snapped, delay of game. Darn near inexcuseable, after a timeout... wow. Ardita is flicking the ashes on himself, hoping the gasoline ignites, thus ending his pain, watching this nonsense....

Bears line up for a field goal.... Whoops, delay of game again?!?!??! Unreal. Brutal. Okay, let's try again, back it up 5, make it a 50 yard field goal... Robbie Gold makes it again.

Despite the Bears playing painfully bad, they're only down 7-3.

I vaguely remember another Cutler pick as I dozed off on the couch....

Through the magic of Sleep, it is now Friday morning, and I see Cutler threw 5 picks in an ugly loss. Thus, Leo Woods has taken control for the moment with 16 on the 49ers. Erin07 has 11, VBS 10.

Maybe someone could run over to Ardita's house, make sure he's okay... Take all the sharp objects away from him... 13 points, down the drain.

Week 9: Keep your head down...

Well, to quote the immortal Vincent T. Lombardi: "WHAT THE HELL IS GOIN' ON OUT THERE?!?!?!?"

Ahem. Yeah, no kidding.

Yeah, we just went down to Tampa and got our asses kicked. Hmmm. Ummm-hmmm. Ted Thompson, call your office....

These Packer upsets are killing the pool.

Let's take a quick look at the games that lost THE MOST POINTS. This is poolwide, okay? We have the concept?? Good. In order of most points lost:

#1. Week 6: 252 points were lost on Philly, at Oakland. Everybody had Philly, everybody lost, average of a little over 14 points apiece.

#2. Week 2: 239 Points were lost on Green Bay, vs Cincy. Everybody had the Pack, everybody lost, average of 14 points each.

#3. Week 9: 235 points were lost on Green Bay, at Tampa. Everybody had Green Bay, everybody lost, average of 13.8 points. That would be yesterday's game, if you didn't notice right away.

Anybody sensing a pattern here?? 2 of the 3 biggest upsets of the year were Packer losses....

#4. Week 8: 210 points were lost on Arizona, vs Carolina.

#5. Week 6: 204 points were lost on the Jets, vs Buffalo.

Kinda staggering, really.

I see San Diego had no trouble dispatching The Fraud That Is Eli Manning, and his Giants... Heh heh, actually, I was watching that game... didn't look good for awhile there... I can only conclude that Air Myles is the only person reading this blog. Hey bud, whassahp!!! Well, he's the only person (besides me) who thought San Diego could beat the Giants.

Is this so hard to figure out??? 13 on the Giants? Ten on the Giants?? You're not tired of hitching your wagon to Eli Manning yet?? Or is this like a theoretical "they gotta win one SOMETIME" sort of thing???

(Okay, so the Giants looked okay at various points in the second half. Still, I see Eli Manning, I see Tom Coughlin... And I can't do it.)

Kurt Warner and my Cardinals lit the Bears on fire... Pretty even split on that one, picks all over the place.

Ardita, 14 points on the Bears. There's a true believer. I don't bring this up to pick on Ardita, he just happened to be the heaviest on Chicago... No, my point is, Thursday night, NFL Network, (which, if you have U-Verse, you have it in Hi-def, yummy yummy yummy), The Chicago Bears will travel to San Francisco California, and face the physical and emotional leader from their 85 Super Bowl, Mr. Mike Singletary, and the 49ers. Okay, so it's not as juicy as the Favre-Returns-To-Green-Bay storyline we just had, but I do find it intriguing...

Picks all over the place on Baltimore/Cincy, too... I had a feeling about Cincy, but played it safe... Hmmm. There's a former pool participant sitting in her condo right now, lovin' the fact that Carson Palmer is healthy and playing well again...

Tennessee, 2 and 0 under Vince Young. Wow. Now what. How do I pick Tennessee going forward.... With more Tagamet, clearly... a LOT more... And maybe some Immodium mixed in...

In a shocking development, I was overserved yesterday, and fell asleep in front of the Dallas Cowboys. That is shocking.

So this morning, I see they won. Nice.

I can't win the pool, whereas last night, in the haze, I had convinced myself I could win somehow... But I can't. Air Myles can. And so can Smitty201. My staff tells me that these 2 live together, so, look, take my advice, and someone go to a sports bar... There's nothing more annoying than someone cheering their guts out for the wrong team, right there in the room with you. Seriously. And like, not in a bar, but in your own house. Very painful. Creates a lotta tension in the house, and who needs that? Nobody.

Good luck Air Myles, and Smitty201! And hey people, get your picks in by Thursday!!! Get the picks in!! Do an autopick!! Do SOMETHING!

Week Eight: 1 ragged hole at 100 yards...

Well, congrats go out to... me?!?!?

Wow, who would have guessed I would be the first to win 2 weeks.

(Let me help you out: No one.)

My Friday Packer observations were not well received by all... oh well. I'm not gonna sit here and tell you "I told ya so!!!" I am not.

I will tell you that we could have TRADED QB'S before the start of that game, and the Packers still lose.

The Vikings are a better team.

The Packers are trying to build through the draft. They are very young. There are no veterans on this team. There is no veteran presence there to smack Johnny Jolly in the head after a boneheaded penalty.

The Vikings have built through the draft, AND FREE AGENCY. They have a mix of young guys AND VETERANS. And they are better.

Ted Thompson, please pick up the white courtesy telephone, reality is on the line...

Moving along, I'm tempted to name names, but I will resist. Let's just say that 3 players, 3, whom I respect, had the Giants for double-digit points....

Are you reading these blogs?? Am I talking to a wall here?? The Fraud That Is Eli Manning, 20 for 39, 1 TD, 2 Picks, 55 QB rating. Ugh.

Okay, so maybe you have no benchmark to compare that to. Maybe you're not into stats. Fine.

B Favre, 17 of 28, 244 yards, 4 TDS, no picks, 128 rating
A Rodgers, 26 of 41, 287 yards, 3 TDs, no picks, 108 rating

Those guys both blew away Eli Manning, and neither one makes Eli Manning type of money.

I see my Cardinals died. Warner, 652 picks, I believe... ouch. Tennessee wins under Vince Young... QB controversy, anyone?? Sure, gimme a pound of that, and some hardrolls...

More tough action next week. The quietly resurgent Cowboys have a showdown with the Eagles... Packers probably get healthy on a helping of the Tampa Bay Bucs, coming off a bye and a trip to London.... Pittsburgh at Denver, another showdown game...

Halfway mark people. Soak it in!!!

BTW (that's "by the way" for computer newbies), if you're not watching ESPN's excellent series "30 for 30", you should be. It's been amazing. It's on Tuesdays, before the World Series of Poker episodes. November 9 is coming up, should be great.

(Shamless aside: congrats to KathB4, winning a 5-table online tourney the other day... nice.)

Anyways, good luck next week!!!