Only Half Way....

Greetings!

I know, this is pathetic.  So few Blog Posts.   So little time.

I've already exceeded last season's dismal record by winning a week, so I have that going for me at least....

Last year, I posted a quick note about Grand Theft Auto 5.....  so just to give you some closure on that....

I did achieve 100% completion.....

(some of you are impressed, and some of you have no clue what I'm talking about.....)

Awesome game.  November 18th, it is re-released for the XBox One and PS4....  ugh.  I might have to finally break down and get a new game system...

Anyways, moving right along....

Cardinals Cheerleaders, and Cowboys Cheerleaders....  big showdown in big D....  Brandon Weeden will go, for the Cowboys....  In a complete and total shocker, I took Arizona.  We've all seen Brandon Weeden's work before....  and I quietly like the Arizona Cardinals....  although I see the Cowboys just picked off Carson Palmer, and returned it for a TD.  Yowza!  Well, if the Cowboy Defense can score, ohh, 28 points or so, they might win the game!

I see Brandon Weeden just found Jason Witten for 5 yards.....  Never a bad idea, to get the ball to Jason Witten.....

Patriots Cheerleaders and Broncos Cheerleaders, always a delight.....  Peyton Manning will meet Tom Brady again, in Foxborough, a little later today....  by now you know, I like the Patriots in that one....  One of the great matchups of our time, Brady vs Manning.  Enjoy that one.  Both of these guys are much closer to the end, than the beginning....

Hold on, Weeden just found Dunbar, on a screen, for like 30 yards....  Am I to believe Weeden is actually capable of playing football???  Maybe Cleveland stinks, and nobody could succeed there....

Bailey Field goal, Cowboys up 10-zip in Arlington.

Arizona on offense.....  Carson Palmer has decided to start throwing to Larry Fitzgerald...  That's never a bad idea either....

A call from my Mother... God Bless her, she can't figure out how to get the game on her TV....  Listen up people, this is your Uncle Cadillac Pat, here to give you some advice: never stop learning!  Don't just keep turning away from new technology.  Don't do it!  Otherwise, you end up as a 70-something year old who literally is completely incapable of operating anything that's less than 20 years old.  A new TV should have given her a lot of joy & delight.... Instead, it's a source of confusion, frustration, and staring at a blank screen and wondering why.......  I should have dug through some vintage electronics shops, and found her an old late 70's vintage 21 inch Sony Trinitron, and gave her that, she would have loved it.   Seriously people, try to stay current, or the world passes you by....

(HighZ is laughing right now, because he buys 5 of everything new, whether it makes any sense or not, and compared to him, we're all dinosaurs.....  So look, you don't have to go COMPLETELY crazy for every new thing like HighZ, but....)

Whoops!  Carson Palmer, TD pass.  Your score in Arlington, Cowboys 10 Cardinals 7.

Looked out my window Friday morning, and saw snow!!!  Snow???  Snow.  Ugh.  I'm still suffering PTSD from LAST winter, and now this winter is going to go ahead and start early......  pffffffff....  Unbelievable...  I am not ready for winter.

Uh oh, Nick Foles leaves the game.  Mark Sanchez (The Sanchize!) enters the game for the Eagles.  Somewhere, Phanatic Philly Phan just opened a bottle of Crown Royal, and started chugging it.....

Some of these commercials are so crazy....  I look up from my computer, I'm looking at like a million shoes, flying through the air......  It's a Corona Commercial....  I don't get it.....

Moving along....  I see the Bill Simmons suspension had the desired effect on the assembled media masses....  the name "Roger Goodell" shall no longer be uttered.   The opinions of Roger Goodell will no longer be questioned in print or over the air....  Kind of like North Korea......

Wow...  Weeden, NEARLY sacked in his own endzone.....  I'm starting to feel better about that Arizona pick.....

I wanted to say, I liked Halftag and Kcamosy, picking the Saints heavy Thursday Night.   I was scared to death to put 9 on them.... 13 and 14??  Wow.  Saints eventually had to win on the road, I guess.....  Was that the thought process???

Andre Ellington, 19 yard run....  This Cowboy D is spending waaaaay too much time on the field.  They need a stop.  And then they need the offense to actually get a first down.  Palmer, pump fake left, screen right, Ellington another 18 yards.....  Ohh boy.

Hey Steelers Fans!  You STILL think Bruce Ariens was the "problem" with your offense???  Yeah, I think we can disabuse you of that notion... Ariens seems to be calling all the right plays against this Dallas D on this drive.....

Palmer. TD pass.  Touchdown Cardinals.   Your score in Arlington: Arizona 14, Dallas 10.

Packers are on a bye....  Hopefully Aaron Rodgers has like 4 of those stimulators stuck to his hamstring, and when they take those off, they immediately come in with 5 therapists, with their ultrasound massagers.....  Sore hammy.  Not good.   We saw the "Rodgers is hurt" movie last year, and it wasn't good.....  maybe Olivia Munn can kiss it and make it better.....

If you're not keeping up on current events, Olivia Munn is Aaron Rodger's current girlfriend....

Weeden has completed 3 nice passes here, and got a PI call on the incompletion.....

From Houston, it's Philly 14, Houston 14, TD pass to Arian Foster....  Phanatic Philly Phan has run out of Crown Royal, and is now guzzling the cheap stuff.....

Dallas, Chip Shot field Goal to end the half....  BLOCKED?!?!??!  Cardinals Recover, running, running, Jason Witten, miracle tackle to save the Touchdown.....  Unreal.   Not that I'm complaining, but why the hell is Jason Witten, the future hall of famer, in on field goal attempts???  There's no backup tight end somewhere who can block????

The Sanchize, 7 for 9 for 111 yards and a TD pass?!?!?!  Whaaaaa?  First TD pass since 2012.  Who woulda thunk it???

Anyways..... Picks are all over the place on this Cardinals Cowboys game....  Weeden, two missed throws, another 3 & out.....  Beautiful.....  Jones, poor punt, Cardinals will take over at the 40.....

Miami 37, San Diego Zero???  Whaaa?  Just saw that on a ticker.....  Miami, exploding.....

Palmer, perfect throw, Brown drops the perfect pass.... ugh.   Cardinals will punt, the Dallas D steps up.....

Harris, great punt return to near midfield for Dallas..... Unfortunately, Brandon Weeden is about to go back to work......

Weeden misses another throw.  Murray stuffed.  these Cardinals are just lining up and stuffing the run.  Zero respect for Weeden.....  Wait, Weeden just found Beasley for a first down!  He completed a pass!

There you go, Weeden, throws behind Jason Witten at the goal line, picked off by Arizona......  Note to GM's around the league: Have a viable backup QB somewhere in the building....

Luckily, I was joking about Phanatic Philly Phan.....  He decided to drink responsibly....  and his Eagles are up by ten.....  Despite a Sanchez pick.

Cowboys stymied on 4th down....I can feel this Arizona pick pulling into the garage....  8 minutes left in the 4th.....

Cardinals driving, TD pass....  Cardinals by 11, 6 minutes to go.....  These Cardinals are going to 7-1 on the Season....  It might be time to start taking them seriously.....

Aaaannnndd, Weeden picked off.  Arizona set up deep in Dallas Territory.  This is over.  Oh, this is SO over, Palmer, nice throw to the 5........  and, TD Arizona.  Make it 28-10.  And when we realize that Dallas got 7 of their ten points off of an interception return for a touchdown, we have a very pathetic performance by this offense.  3 points, 1 long field goal, was the total output of this offense......

Alright, I'm going to Patriots- Broncos.  Enjoy, everyone!

What am I watching???

Wow... Hello!

I apologize to the whole pool....  I've been super busy.  I have some family problems....

But I'm not going to use excuses!  I'm not.  There are no excuses.  It's Football!

Well, today's Packer game at Chicago was more like it.   THAT'S the Packer Team we expected....

Ardita, well known Chicago Bears fan....  Chicago for 16....  I'm going to say yes, he does enjoy the pain....  And hey, there's nothing wrong with that.... We live in a world of legal gay marriage, legal mary jane, legal all sorts of stuff....

(May I say, in a world such as this, how utterly absurd it is to try and ban E-cigarettes???  Please...  E cigarettes are TRULY the least of our problems....  but I digress...)

But anyways, in the world we live in, is it wrong to be a masochist??  No.  It's not wrong.  Listen, in the privacy of your own home, whatever it is you do with a girl, and an Asian girl, and a Brazilian girl, and a couple sets of handcuffs, and a buggy whip.....  that's up to you, whatever trips your trigger.....  I mean, hey, as long as there's a safe word, and everybody's willing, and nobody gets hurt, and all that stuff.....  I mean, I know nothing about it, I'm just going off what I've read......

Ahem.  Let's stick to the football.....

Cheerleader Update:

A few Cheerleaders for you.....

Might be a long year for the Cowboys Cheerleading Squad.....

Anyways, I'm sitting here watching Philly at San Fran.....  These Eagles have all the answers for San Fran.... which is troubling, because the Packers have NO answers for the 49ers.....  Sigh.  At least we had the answers for the Chicago Bears.....  that's something....

I don't want to get into this, but I can't help myself....

Steven A Smith: suggests that women "bring it on themselves" in abuse cases: 1 week suspension.

Ray Rice: punches out his fiance' in an elevator, knocking her unconscious: 2 weeks suspension (which may I add, is a lot more than the court system gave him)

(And by the way, after you saw the first tape, Ray dragging his Fiancee out of the elevator by her hair, what did you THINK happened in that elevator???  Maybe I've seen too much, or hung around Cops for too long, but the tape of the knockout punch was exactly what I expected.....)

(Also, look, let me explain this very carefully to the young gamblers out there:  They are recording EVERYTHING in a Casino.   Have no illusions.  They are recording you in the can taking a whizz.  Elevators??  Absolutely.  And everybody knows it.  So, this science fiction about "not seeing the tape" is 50 times more absurd than light sabers or the plotlines of "True Blood", okay... Just so you know....  So, go to the Casino, have a good time, gamble it up a little bit.... But DO NOT act the fool.... They will have you on tape, and they will hang you by the b&lls.....  Do NOT do it....)

Bill Simmons: Says Roger Goodell is lying when he says he  didn't see the tape, which, by the way, roughly 99% of football fans agree with, and 100% of people who know anything about security procedure and police procedure agree with: 3 weeks suspension.

If you can explain how this makes any sense, feel free to e-mail me.   I'm just going to file this under "The fall of Western Civilization, Part IV, the post modern political correctness years.", because, quite honestly, I don't know what to do with these facts....

Moving right along, Tampa Bay beats the Steelers with a last second TD pass!!!  Unreal.   I'm starting to think that with the reduced practice time, and all that, it takes until week 4 for a team to really come together and start playing......

Crazy what you find out during these news breaks....  I thought I was losing my mind, I heard these weird beeps this morning in my house.....  I just heard, it was an Amber Alert Text, which I noticed later, but I never put it together.....  Just a little note, some people may or may not clear their whole house with a loaded M4 when they hear strange noises.....

Anywhoo, Fall is coming.  We're enjoying the best weather of 2014 right now, to be brutally honest.  It rained all summer, and was never that warm.  Now, it's 48 in the morning, but it warms up to the mid 70's in the afternoons, and it's been delightfully sunny.....  too bad I'm too busy to ride my Harley.  Someone needs to figure out how to carry a briefcase and a laptop on a Harley.  I know, I know, I can hear you out there, buy an Ultra Classic.  I don't WANT an Ultra classic, I'm a Road King guy....

Oh well....

To the young guys who read this, believe it or not, time starts to be a factor.   And, living here, a summer is such a precious thing, it's priceless.  We suffer horribly 8 months of the year, just waiting for summer.  If I stay here, what do I have, 12 good summer left, before my body breaks down???

I need to retire, and move down by Sears, or something, where there's 11 months of "doable" weather....  Not 4.....  to me, that would literally be like adding 24 years to my lifespan, if I could just do more, each year.....  Seriously, 12 x 3 = 36....  Minus 12 = 24.  Rough number, but seriously.

A guy in our pool, who shall remain nameless, told me he moved from Florida to California because he "hated Florida" and "Had to get out of there"....  Heh heh!  Really? REALLY?!?!?!?   This guy needs to winter in the Milwaukee Area once....  He'll be BEGGING for Florida.......  Begging... Begging, I tell you! 

As Gogo Yubari so famously said in "Kill Bill Volume One", "You call that begging?? (giggles) (turns serious) You can beg better than that."

This Nissan commercial is so absurd.  If you think a stock Nissan is so amazing, you NEED to go to World Class Driving in Las Vegas, and drive some Supercars, and find out what it's like to drive a real car with real power......

49ers just got a turnover off of San Francisco, and San Fran still looks totally discombobulated....  which is amazing, since in 3 games vs the 49ers, San Fran hasn't looked discombobulated for one second.....  unreal.....  why do the Packer have no answers for this team????

 

 Whoops!  Another Cheerleader crept in... sorry about that.

Saints are coming back against Teddy Bridgewater & the Vikings.....  Could be an actual game.

Frank Gore, another huge run....  Are these 49ers going to get back in this thing???  Just casually watching over my reading glasses, it's seemed like all Philly, but here we are Philly 21 49ers 20....

Phanatic Philly Phan is puking in his wastebasket right now.....

ttyl

Cadillac Pat

A New Hope

Greetings!

Another Season begins...  full of hopes, and big dreams....

And quickly, those hopes are being dashed against the rocks....

Of course we have a Packer loss...  but that was somewhat expected....

Then, I joined a Survivor Pool.....  And for week 1, I took The Chicago Bears....  So there you go, pool over, thanks for playing, Bears lose at home to the woeful pathetic Buffalo Bills, quite likely the worst team in professional American tackle football....

There's a lesson there kids.  Never, never, never, and I mean never, never ever, not ever, never in your wildest dreams, should you depend on The stupid stinking pathetic worthless good for nothing Chicago Bears to win a football game.  Never.  Never!  Never ever do it.  Just say no.  Don't do it.  Never Do It.  Just don't.

I've never felt so sorry for Ardita in my life.  (And that's saying something.  If you drive a Mercedes Benz Coupe, probably nobody should feel sorry for you...)  Really, I never have.  What's it like to root for a bunch of pathetic losers???  Maybe he's a masochist, and he enjoys pain, I don't know.  He's probably a Cubs fan too, for all I know, I never actually asked.....  Maybe he likes it.

I see I'm the only person who took the Dallas Cowboys...  Really?  The ONLY person??  At home??  A Team that routinely wins a lot of their home openers??  Okay... Whatever. 

What you need to know about the Cowboys is, they START the season great, usually....  After thanksgiving, then they die.....

Ooops, I see they just fumbled, San Fran up 7-0 on a fumble recovery touchdown.....  Heh heh!  Okay....  sigh....  The Dallas Cowboys....  In another note, to illustrate what a small pathetic man Jerry Jones truly is, he came out and said he has "No Plans" to put Jimmy Johnson in the Ring of Honor.    Jerry, take a walk down the hall, and look at those 3 latest Super Bowl Trophies.  Jimmy got you those.  So put him in the Ring of Honor already....  Utterly and completely pathetic.  But then, we're used to that, with Jerry......

Ooops, I interrupt myself to report a Colin Kaepernick TD pass to Vernon Davis.  Your score in Arlington Texas, San Fran 14, Dallas 3.  Hmmm.  I'm starting to get a bad feeling about that Dallas pick....  It might be time to start drinking heavily.... Or, turn this game off.....  God, if that Stupid stinking Bears game wasn't enough, this should put me over the edge for sure......  I better start keeping a wastebasket over by the couch here, so I can puke in it.....

Wow.... Okay, I'm shaking it off!  I'm shaking it off.... I'm okay....

I was standing in line at the grocery store, and I saw Emmy Rossum on Cosmo.....  We all loved her in that Phantom of the Opera movie, didn't we??  Maybe it was just me.  Anyways, she says all men need is grilled cheese sandwiches and sex! 

Really?  I don't know who she's been dating, but for my money, Men also need BEER..... and they also need THE NFL.....  Some Jack Daniels never hurt anyone...  Bacardi & Cokes are always nice....  In no particular order, there's muscle cars, Cadillacs, Harleys, giant screen TV's, Trap Shotguns, and a whole plethora of other things.....

I'm not gonna lie though, I am very amused at the idea of being her boyfriend... hanging around her luxury California home, and she wanders in and says "what do you want, a grilled cheese sandwich, or sex?  Ooops. I'm out of grilled cheese...."  Hahahahahah!  That would be kind of funny.....

Update from Arlington Texas, SF 21 Dallas 3.  Ouch.  Starting to look like a long year in big D....  Oh well. 

Badgergil & Ardita look like they may pull away on these afternoon games.....  Highz and Smitty are lurking though....

Alright, good luck!  Some of you owe your pool fee....  You know who you are.  I'm not gonna threaten and all that.... I'm just going to boot people. 

Speaking of booting people, Tony Romo was just picked in the endzone....  ooof.  Whoa.   Let me be clear, I am not enjoying the pain....

Until next time!

The Delivery of Pain...

Greetings!

I wanted to thank everyone for participating this year, it really was a blast.  There won't be any payouts this year though... I took the money and bought this:

So thanks very much, I appreciate that.....

(Editor's Note: that is NOT TRUE.  Payments went out yesterday.)

No, no, Joking....  I have a fiduciary responsibility, which I take very seriously....  I did go to a place called "World Class Driving" while I was in Las Vegas, and I got to drive that car for awhile.....  And Yes, it was every bit as awesome as you are imagining....  It goes 130 like your car goes 30....  I highly recommend it.  It was a blast....

For the record, that is a Ferrari 458 Italia....

Well, 2014 is here.  The Regular Season is over.  I have pretty much set a record for least amount of blog posts I've put up in a season.....

(And the bar was set pretty low last year...)

Sorry about that.

It feels like we've had the funeral for the Packers Season about 5 times now....  they were dead & buried after the Thanksgiving disaster, they were finished after they miraculously beat Atlanta, but then the Bears beat Dallas, so that was that......  then We beat Dallas, but Chicago also won, Rodgers still not back, ugh.....  Then Chicago loses, Detroit loses to the Putrid Giants & the Fraud that is Eli Manning....  but then we lose to stupid Pittsburgh, ugh, season over, again.....

Setting up a week 17 Showdown with the Bears... a game that went so poorly, I actually was feeling like, fine, this season has been so bad anyways, let's just let it end mercifully.... It feels like we've hit this patient with the defibrillator about 20 times, to keep his heart pumping.... Maybe it's time to let it go....  but then in a miracle flurry of 4th down conversions, we win the game.

Feels like this is funeral #5, coming up....  Colin Kaepernick owns us.  Harbaugh owns us.  We BARELY got past the Bears. 

Anyways....  Before we get into it here, How about The Michigan State Spartans!!!!

Sparty!

I may have had a sizeable wager or two on that game....  Michigan State even money +7 points, and Michigan State at 2 to 1 to win the game outright.....  Coach Dantonio, I salute you, I salute your team, and your magical win over Stanford in the Rose Bowl....  Note to Brett Bielema, that's how you do it, jerkface.....

Anyways, let's move on to the Congratulations here....

Week 13, DJS26 went back to back with another win!  Insane.  Nice job man.  More on DJS later.  A new player this year....

Week 14, Bulldogs Rule AGAIN!!!  I'm just going to put that in my paste buffer, and leave it there, so I don't have to keep typing it over & over & over until I puke......

Week 15, The Florida Boys!  Their second win of the year....  These guys in Florida, I swear....

Week 16, Studmonkey!!!  Another new player!  Hold on, this guy does not live in Florida.... Sorry, you have to be present in Florida to win.....  ahh, too bad....

(Editors note: That is NOT TRUE.)

And week 17, To make it all complete, Brady01, another new player....  From where??  Florida.  'Natch.    Of course. 

Seriously, congrats to all the weekly winners.  Any new players are going to have to FAIL a football IQ test... fair warning. 

Side note:  My season seems like a loss, and it was, I won nothing....  But I did lead the Season's Standings for awhile, and I did post 5 second place finishes, and 2 3rd place finishes.   Digging through the records, I can't find anyone who finished second 5 frickin times.....  Oh well.  It's a record of some sort, I guess.....

Anyways, the Season's Champions:

3rd Place for the Season: HIGHZ!  Hey, congrats man!  Long long long time player, Founder of this pool....  Well done.

2nd Place for the Season: DJS26!  Congrats man!  A new player, a friend of Big Headed Holy Rollers...  Quite a performance for a first timer.  You probably have no idea how hard it is to do what you just did.  2 weekly wins, and 2nd for the season....  nice.

Season's Champion: SMITTY201!  Hey, congrats!!!  Smitty was 2nd for the Season last year, which is also quite impressive.  So close to the unreal back-to-back championships that Ardita put up....  Still a tremendous win.  Congrats to you.  Heavy lies the Crown.... You'll see....  Besides the beautiful cash, you do get the Priceless Bragging Rights for a whole year, and you can freely refer to yourself as "The Fearless Leader" for a whole year....

This was a tough year.  Lots of Perennial Power Players, shut out.  Not just me.  Kathb4, Sears, Elusive, Badgergil, Erin07....  all shut out. 

What a season.  These Football Seasons really fly by, don't they???

Well, now, NOW we really have to tighten those chinstraps, and lace up those pads.... It's the PLAYOFFS!  You better come correct with it.

I'm not sure I'm feeling anything for these games....  I quietly like the San Diego Chargers, getting 7 points.  Fair warning though, that's not a popular opinion.   I've been waiting all year to bet against Andy Dalton in the playoffs....  and here we are.  He's been throwing picks like crazy lately....

I may have to bet San Fran straight up to win, in the classic "Patrick" betting formula....  Let me read from the manual here: "Betting the opponent assures you of a win.  If "Your" Team wins, you're perfectly happy to lose the bet.  If "Your" Team loses, you at least have cash winnings, to soothe the pain... Note: the wager should not be overly large.  Also note: If your team is an underdog, you must moneyline the opponent, lest you leave the door open for a double loss, ie opponent wins straight up but does not cover, meaning you lose both ways"

There you go.  Everybody got that??  Good.   I also quietly like the Saints to beat the Eagles.  The NFC East may have been even worse than the NFC North this year.... So by default, someone had to win it...  I'm not sure we should be so enthralled with this Eagles team, that needed to beat the Cowboys week 17 to finally stumble into the division lead.....  yeah, I know, the Saints can't win on the road....  I just think I want my wagon hitched to Drew Brees and Sean Payton in the Playoffs.  You bet Nick Foles, and by the 3rd quarter, you'll be wondering why you bet on Nick Foles, and taking a couple more Celebrex's with your rum & cokes.......

Apologies to Phanatic Philly Phan for that last comment....  sorry man.  He's Nick Foles!  I can't help it!

Remember December 8th???  I bet the Patriots vs Cleveland to go OVER 46 points.... checking my phone in the airport, it was like 19 to 14, with 4 minutes to go....  It looked really really bad.  Then the Patriots exploded all over Cleveland, and I ended up winning the bet easily.    Now, I knew you could mail in a winning ticket, and get paid, but I had never done it before, until now....

 How about that?!?!?!  It worked!  Nice.... Very nice....

Now, some of you know, I've won Poker Tournaments before.... but never at the MGM Grand.  Kathb4 Won one at the MGM Grand last month, and the winners of THEIR Tournaments get one of these.....

Now I'm like, so jealous.... I want one of those!!!!   Seriously, congrats to Kathb4....

Alright, I like to do this every year.... How did we do against professional handicappers???

Ron Jaworski 174-81

Smitty201 171-84 
Bulldogs Rule 171-84

Big Headed Holy Rollers 170-85

KC Joyner, "The Football Scientist", allegedly uses proprietary metrics from his own personal game tape study.  169-86

Patrick686 168-87  (I don't need to watch much tape to know Eli Manning stinks)

DJS26 167-88

Florida Boys 166-89

Highz 165-90
Halftag 165-90
(did you guys text each other your picks???)

Cris Carter, HOF'er 164-91
Phanatic Philly Phan 164-91

Kathb4 163-92
Sears 163-92

That makes me feel a little better....  We pick games as well as the best of the Pros....  On a quick pass thru the internet, I didn't see anyone with better picks than these.....  so, well done, people, well done....

That's all I have for you.  I'm done.  It's the Playoffs!  Enjoy these games!!!

And if these games disappoint, try this:

You will NOT be disappointed, I assure you....  Delightful game.