Let the Games Begin!

Hey, welcome to late summer.

The all important 3rd preseason weekend is about to kick off.

It appears the 18 game schedule is nearing a point where it's a done deal.

Not sure I'm for it.

Here's my thought.

We currently have a 16 game schedule, across 17 weeks, 1 bye week per team.

My proposal: 17 game schedule, 19 weeks, two byes per team, 2 preseason games.

I love it, personally. Preseason is kind of a joke.

Well, okay, I watched Titans Cardinals for awhile.... My immediate thought at kickoff was the familiar gut punch of "Wow, if I really had to pick this game, who would I take???" and realizing that I had no answer. Tough one to handicap. Hey, it's preseaon for my picking brain too, apparently. Leinart.... Vince Young... Hmmm. Okay, Titans for 1.

After you get a look at Matt Leinart, you realize immediately why Bill Bidwell's (Owner of the Cardinals) pants knees are so dirty.... He's been at Kurt Warner's house, on his knees, begging Kurt to came back!!!!

Ahhh, supposedly he "twittered" that he's not coming back, and to look up the word "retired". Oh well. If I could channel Al Pacino for a second, as detective Vincent Hannah of the Elite Robbery Homicide Unit of the LAPD, from the awesome movie "Heat", recall the scene when it looks like Neal has gotten away, and Pacino famously says "So long, motherf***er... You were good...." Kurt, so long, man. You were good. On behalf of fans everywhere, I apologize for the refs who jobbed you out of your second ring vs the Steelers. A travishamockery. I'm making an appointment right now to be in front of my TV when you are inducted into the NFL Hall of Fame.

I also always get a laugh out of seeing Chuck Cecil on the sidelines, Titans Defensive co-ordinator. Anyone besides me remember when he was the hard hitting safety for the Packers, who routinely broke open a scar on his head, and was seen with blood running down his face during the game???

(Author's note: I'm making so many typos, this is gonna take forever. I'm constantly re-typing. Preseason for my fingers too, I guess....)

Random thought number 2: how awesome is Jon Gruden in the booth??? During that intro shot, he looks like he's a real threat to bolt from the booth, run down to the sidelines, put a headset on, and start yelling at people. Awesome. That's actually a great booth, Ron Jaworski, Jon Gruden, and the fundamentally solid Mike Tirico. Real nice booth.

I did see Javon Ringer, too, former Michigan State Star... He looked good! Great to see him. Now that I'm watching a little college ball, I know a few of these guys.

You guys watching "30 for 30" on ESPN??? If not, you should be. I know, it comes and goes, they show it when they feel like it, but trust me, it's worth a little effort to see these. They had Michael Jordan's baseball career on last night. Fascinating look. Real well done. Heh heh, and in a hilarious side note, his manager in the minors was Terry Francona, now manager of the 2-time World Champion Boston Red Sox. Unreal.

Hey, did you hear that Tiger Woods got divorced??? Yeah, I guess there was a little trouble in his marriage. They kept it pretty quiet though... heh heh heh!!! Not really.





Rachel U. The person who brought the Tiger Woods Empire crashing down. Actually, in a true sign that this story will not die, I saw an uncomfirmed report today that she supposedly told a friend that she thought Tiger really loved her, and she hoped he would reach out to her. Heh heh!!!

Question: has anyone ever looked better in a pair of Ray Ban Aviator Sunglasses?? If they have, I don't know about it....

Anyway, I have emailed you if I have your payment. So if you sent it, and I don't have it, we need to address that. If you haven't sent it yet, you need to send it. Two weeks from right now, the season starts.

And if you have new people, have them email me, I will provide them with instructions to join.

Later!

Rule #17: Don't be a Hero...

Well, the season is now complete....

Somebody, remind me what we used to do before football season??? I'm drawing a blank here.

I'll tell you what I'm doing, I'm going to Las Vegas. You people can stay here and freeze to death.... (well, okay, those of you who live here in the frozen tundra upper midwest....Those of you in fun places like Texas and Florida, disregard.) Yep, when I'm through, they're gonna turn over the keys to the Mirage Hotel and Casino... I will break them.

Heh heh, yeah, whatever. Maybe I'll take a few hundred outta there and go home quietly... Lay on a few prop bets for next year... We'll see.

Well, obviously I was shocked by the Super Bowl result. Fun game to watch, though.

Sean Payton, you gotta hand it to him. He went on 4th, and even though he didn't get it, he managed the clock, managed the situation, and still got his field goal. Nicely done. Yeah, memo to Andy Reid and Brad Childress: THAT is how you manage and end-of-half/end-of-game scenario... Ugh.

Is this painful for Minnesota fan?? Knowing you pretty much should have beaten the Saints, and then seeing the Saints dismantle the Vikings???

I'll tell you what, Childress is no Sean Payton. He is not.

Call of the game HAD to be the onside kick, to open the second half. What a gutsy gutsy call. A monster. That's all or nothing, right there. You give the ball to Peyton Manning at the 40, nothing good is gonna happen.

I love that call. I do. You came all this way, why not go out there and try to win the game?!?!? You play to win the game!!!-Hermann Edwards.

Of course, if they DON'T get it, that is bad. Bad bad bad. Really though, Childress has to be the poster boy for "playing not to lose", which is very different than "playing to WIN." If Childress and the Vikings are there, does Childress make those calls?? NO effing way. Never happen.

Sean Payton gambled, and it worked. And I think it energized his team. I brought this up during the game, and was immediately told "Hey, you're dating yourself...", which is very true, but I distinctly recall Broncos-Redskins. Broncos jumped out to a 10-0 lead, and then it was all Redskins, turned into a blowout. And I had a funny feeling, but still, I just didn't think the Colts would lose. It was ten nothing, Colts in total control. Then the second quarter came... Then the onside recovery....

And still, I just figured the Colts would find a way. Peyton Manning is now 9-9 in postseason play.

I will tell you, Colts Fans, this one is going to hurt. This is gonna leave a skid mark on your heart, for the rest of your life. The Packers won it all in 96. And I didn't dare to believe. The team had been bad my whole life, literally. When they won that game, I was stunned, for days, I was in disbelief. And then there was acceptance.

So, now, the following year, I am believing. I am daring to dream! And I was younger then, and not so bitter, and cynical, and my employers hadn't beaten the life out of me yet... But anyway, then we go in to play the Broncos. We are heavy favorites. Broncos are a joke. I've already cleared a spot on my mantle for another Lombardi trophy... And we lost.

I'm still in heavy denial about that game. I've sort of cordoned that off with yellow crime scene tape. I just don't go there. Honestly, I'm sitting here right now, 13 years later, thinking "We REALLY didn't lose that game, did we??? Naaah, we couldn't have..."

My nephew was not alive for the Super Bowl win. And he's not little anymore. IN a couple years, he's going to Driver's Ed, okay.... So what, if he's really lucky, he'll be mid-30's, sitting in a bar, drunk off his ass, celebrating a Packer Super Bowl... the time goes by. There's been some tough tough losses these last 13 years.

Anyway, the good part is, we can STOP hearing about how Peyton Manning might be the greatest QB of all time. What an absurd argument. That's even more absurd than Kurt Warner NOT being in the Hall of Fame. If guys like Jim Kelly and Dan Marino and Fran Tarkenton are in the Hall, Warner has to be there. If he doesn't go, feel free to burn the place to the ground.

Peyton is great, but he's not the greatest ever. You might want to Wikipedia a guy named Joe Montana, and refresh your memory. Steve Young. Troy Aikman. Tom Brady. Terry Bradshaw. I mean, come on. Greatest ever? He has a ways to go before we throw him in that conversation....

BTW (that means "by the way", to you people who don't hang around message boards, or text, or whatever), how great was it to see Emmitt Smith and Jerry Rice go into the Hall of Fame. Wonderful. Those guys were very good. Ridiculous. Guys like Randy Moss and Terrell Owens and Chad Ochocinco need to look at Rice, put their pathetic diva acts aside, and just bow down to the greatness. Just bow down, and shut up. Chad Ochocinco isn't worthy to carry Jerry Rice's equipment bag...

Anyways, enjoy the offseason!!! Degenerate gamblers and football freaks, I salute you. It's been a fun season. I hope to see you all next year. God willing, we'll all still be here, we'll reload and try again!

Rule #1: Cardio

Rule #2: Double Tap.

If you have NO IDEA what I'm talking about, go rent "Zombieland". Great movie.

By the way, it's a COMEDY. Seriously, it's a comedy. Check it out.

Anyways, speaking of Zombies, Vikings Fans have to be in a lot of pain. Bill Simmons called it a level 1 Gut Punch Loss. I see it more as a "Baseball Bat To The Head" loss... The kind of loss that hits you in the head like a baseball bat, knocks you down... You come to, on the floor, head screaming, ears ringing... You're nauseous, and you're wondering "What just happened??"

I fear for my brother-in-law's safety. Although by now, they've taken the restraints off of him, and he's free to wander around the padded cell... He's still locked in, but, he's not strapped to a gurney anymore... We'll call that progress.

30 yard line, minute to go, 2 timeouts.... The winning field goal is about to be kicked, right???

12 men in the huddle??? Coming out of a timeout??? Seriously??? Ugh...

Minnesota, besides some glaring mistakes, really outplayed the Saints...
First Downs
Minnesota 31, Saints 15
3rd Down Efficiency
Minnesota 7-12 Saints 3-12
Total Yards
Minnesota 475, Saints 257

They lost, I know... But this doesn't bode well for the Saints. Favre Hating Nation can bash all they want, and that's fine... In the last 10 years, Brett Favre has a pile of brutal postseason losses on his resume. But really, I personally think the game was lost on the Peterson fumble at the end of the first half. Vikings are getting ready to go into the half 21-14... Instead, Peterson Fumble, half over. Saints get the 2nd half kickoff, go down the field, it's now Saints 21-14... That's a big missed touchdown...

Take Indy in this one, minus the 5. Two minutes into this game, everyone is going to say "Oh yeah, that's right, the Colts are pretty good, we all knew they'd win..."

I'd take the over, also. Over 56, I believe.

People are starting to try to make the case for the Saints. I dunno. They would need the perfect game, to win, I think.

As long as football is winding down, a quick Reality TV note: Survivor Heroes vs Villians is coming up, February 11th. I am psyched. I might be a little TOO excited to see this. The cast is off the hook. Should be epic. I didn't jump on the Jersey Shore, and now I fel like I missed something. Through the magic of DVR's, maybe I can catch up.

Later!

The Ultimate Pitching Staff of Women....

Well, since we have a couple of weeks here, we may as well have some fun.

Thus, I will now lay out my own Ultimate Pitching Staff of Women.

This concept basically goes as such: you take the cutest girls in the world, pick the best ones, in the mold of a major league pitching staff. You have starting pitchers, you have a bullpen, you have a closer.

The origins of this concept are sketchy. I thought a buddy of mine came up with this, and never heard of it outside that "circle". Others have told me this was on a "Friends" Episode... Others have said radio DeeJays came up with it... Whatever. Also, if you're not a big baseball fan, and don't grasp the particulars of a pitching staff, don't worry, this is just for fun.

Also, we are setting aside the tricky questions of "in her prime", and things of that nature. I mean, Sharon Stone, in her prime, is a starting pitcher. Today?? Ehhh, probably not. We're just saying, today, or near today. Recent work.

Also, with apologies to Jake, Dalton, and the other young bucks who read this... There will be pictures, but this is not bikinis and whipped cream and other nonsense. This will be safe for work. And it probably skews too old for you guys anyway, so.... Full disclosure, I am between 43 and 49, how about that for a range...

Now then, here we go!

The Ultimate Pitching Staff

#1 Starter: Marissa Miller

If I needed to win game 6 of the World Series, my ultimate starting pitcher, she is it.







Here she is in a True Religion Jeans ad... Yow, I think I'd like a pair of those...





#2 Starter: Kate Beckinsale

She's probably a #1 on many staffs, but we're talking about a dream team here, so, sadly, Ms. Beckinsale will be our #2 starter. Who can forget her from "Underworld" or "Serendipity". Serendipity, by the way, should be seen for Kate Beckinsale alone, but also, it is a good movie, and funny...


Uhh, can I get a sip of that Diet Coke??? Thanks!

And who can forget Selene from "Underworld"??? Nobody...




#3 Starter: Uma Thurman

Again, an awfully strong pitcher, could be a #1 anywhere else... Except here. A classic beauty no doubt...







And who can forget her from "Kill Bill"??? Nobody...



#4 Starter: Charlize Theron

Yes, the Pride of South Africa has to be a starter on my staff here...






"The Italian Job", a fun movie that should be seen....


#5 Starter: Megan Fox

Real tough choice. Suffice it to say, someone from the bullpen could take her spot at any moment, but for now, we'll go with her. Rumors are that Michael Bay is trying desperately to cast someone else for "Transformers 3", so, you'll have to catch her work in the first 2 movies on Blu-Ray from here on out...



Who can forget this scene from the first "Transformers" Movie?? NObody...


On to the bullpen. First, a couple of Specialists.

8th Inning Setup / Short Relief: Ali Larter

If you don't watch "Heroes", you've never seen her, you have no clue who she is. Very very underrated. Needs to get 1 big breakout movie role to be the next Sharon Stone. She did have a supporting role in "Resident Evil: Extinction", you may have seen her there....






9th Inning Closer: Maria Sharapova

Professional Tennis Player "slash" modeling sensation, she has actually won a few tennis tourneys, and is awfully good looking...







Bullpen (in no particular order)

Shana Hiatt: Shana Hiatt used to host the "World Poker Tour". Besides being great looking, she knew something about cards, had a repor with the players, and did a nice job during interviews of asking the right question at the right time. Since she left, they've plowed through a dozen replacements, each more amazingly lame than the last.... They oughta call her back tomorrow, and give her whatever she wants...




Milla Jovovich: You either like her or you don't. I like. You gotta love her in the "Resident Evil" series of movies. Also was in a wacky sci-fi space opera called "The Fifth Element" with Bruce Willis and Gary Oldman. I was teetering on giving her the 5th starter spot....






Ashley Judd: Besides being a University of Kentucky sports fan, you never see her anymore, which is a real shame. She was in "Heat", one of the greatest movies ever made... she was in a detective thing with Morgan Freeman, called "Kiss The Girls", great movie... She's married to Indy 500 winning driver Dario Franchitti... And I am told she is in the new Duane Johnson (AKA The Rock) movie "Tooth Fairy".... Probably should be the 5th Starter...





Alyson Hannigan Possibly a reach, but she's cute in her own way...




Stana Katic If you're not watching "Castle", you should be... Great show. Besides the fact that Detective Beckett is on the show, it's a fun show. The more I see her, the more I like her...




Jennifer Garner I couldn't leave her off. I couldn't do it. If you haven't seen "The Kingdom", you should, there's a wonderful running gun battle on the freeway that is a must see.




I seem to be out of spots on my roster.... Which is quite amazing. Let's look at a couple of fine pitchers who ended up staying in the minors after spring training... I just don't have enough roster spots....

Courteney Cox How is Courteney Cox not on the roster??? I don't know, It's crazy. She likes motorcycles, and puppies, and she's cute. I'm shaking my head in disbelief right now....


I honestly dug this up from an old motorcycle magazine, from one of their "Celebrities and Motorcycles" issues. This is seriously the young Courteney Cox, on her own motorcycle that she rode regularly... I can hear you now, you're saying "Get the Eff outta here!!" I will not get the Eff outta here, this is MY blog, and I'm telling you, that's Courteney Cox...



Natasha Henstridge Seriously, how can she NOT be on the roster. Go rent "Species", and then tell me "No, she's not on the roster." Absurd. Who made this list, anyways??? I gotta talk to that guy....


Jessica Alba She has to be on the list, right???


Anyways, enjoy. There's more that didn't make the cut either, but the arguing about the list is half the fun, so send those emails!!! The Favre hating emails are bound to slow down, so, I'll need something else to fill my inbox....

Later.