Picking While Intoxicated...

Heh heh. I wish that was my excuse. I was actually trying.

Honestly, I changed my Houston pick to Dallas Sunday Morning. I'm starting to feel some handicapping juice flowing here... I also had the Chiefs. I'm a little proud of that.

Seriously, how about Braylon Edwards, eh?? Twice the limit, 5 AM... Nice. The human dropped pass, now this... With teammates in the car no less. Check me on this, but aren't there like 10 million cabs in NYC???

Anyway, congrats to Badgergil, a nice win in week 3.

Hold on, I just got a stat update from the Packer game... another holding penalty was just called. Wow.

Erin07 keeps telling me he's not a Bears fan, but there he was with the Bears in that game.... I think we can safely say he has latent Bears tendencies...



Hey, do you think she's cheering for my picks??? Heh heh, no, probably not. She's cheering the Chiefs on to another big win. 3-0!!! What were the Vegas odds on a 3-0 start for the Chiefs?!?!?



This is the Haldron Super-Collider, buried underground on the French-Swiss Border. It's back up and running again, at half power, after a year of maintenance. 6 tons of liquid helium accidentally escaped from this thing. Whoops! Hey, if I attached 6 tons of helium to my picks, would they rise up the standings???

Sigh... This week doesn't look any easier. Sunday night, The Fraud That Is Eli Manning plays the Fraud That Is Da Bears... ugh. 1 point. Flip the "executive decision maker" here... okay, heads.

Speaking of Frauds, how about those Vikings!!! Heh heh.. It's got a very different feel this year. If they get to like, oh, say 2-7, does Favre pull an "Al Czervik" from Caddyshack and bow out???

(Liner note: for those not intimately familiar with this movie, firstly, shame on you. Go rent it, or whatever. Ahem, point being, Rodney Dangerfield, in the role of Al Czervik, is playing a big money match against Judge Smails (the immortal Ted Knight), and playing badly. An errant tee shot hits a ball washer, bounces back, and lightly hits Dangerfield in the arm. He stands there for a couple seconds, thinking nothing of it, and then in his inimitable style, his eyes go wide open, and he says "Ooooh! Oooh, my arm!!!" and starts to rub it, in an absurd pantomime of an actual injured person. He begs out of the match, and in the movie's pivotal development, Danny Noonan substitutes for Big Al Czervik, and they win the match.)

Does Favre pull the old "Oooh, my arm!!!" gambit when all hope is lost??? Sounds crazy, but there is some precedent... Ken Griffey Jr. retired midseason in baseball...

These games are not getting any easier. Seattle at St. Louis. Wow. Baltimore at Pittsburgh. New England at Miami.

Hey, did you see Julius Peppers terrorizing the Packer O-line?? Yeah, me too. Hey, guess what?? He was a free agent for quite a while!!! What say you, Defenders of the Tedly?? We coulda HAD THAT GUY!!! I'm just sayin'.... We coulda had that guy. Just sayin... Woulda been kinda fun to have that guy on OUR team.... Just sayin'...

Let's assess these Packers for a second: Had too many penalties last year, Coach Mike was gonna clean that up. Okay, still some work to do there... Special teams sucked last year. Yeah, still some work to do there... Why exactly are we punting to Devin Hester??? Have I mentioned that punters ought to punt about 40-45 yards, towards the frickin' sidelines?? Yeah, only about a zillion times. Especially if your punt coverage is kinda sucky, Coach Mike, you REEELY oughtta punt to the sidelines. And your coverage is sucky. Heh heh, oh my, yes, it is sucky.

And dare I bring it up again?? Jake, Dalton, Nick, Kevin, Nigel, Ian, Gabe... If you guys aren't out punting and place kicking, I don't know what to tell you anymore. Sebastian Janikowski gets paid millions to MISS KICKS!!!

New England is young, and they look shaky on Defense, but I have a funny feeling. Plus, just for laughs, imagine if they had Oakland's #1 pick in next year's draft... Heh heh, oh wait, they DO! Wow.

Anyway, have fun and good luck.

Move the target closer...

Well, first off, congrats to RONFIC for his week one win... Nice.

I personally sucked... I fired at the target, and missed it completely.

HighZ needed the Jets and Chargers, and he didn't get them...

Do you realize there's people out there who are incapable of writing a check?? Honest to god, they can't write 10 words on a piece of funny colored paper, nor can they write 8 words on an envelope, much less place a stamp on it.... Friends, your contribution of $1900 a week could help these individuals lead a normal life... Won't you please help???

Well, I started this Saturday, but I had a little computer problem.... My old desktop system has been dying a slow death since, ohh, I dunno, August of 2008... So, as I try to transition to this laptop, the thrills never stop. This thing is real close to being run downrange and fired upon....

I thought this week would be different, but it is clearly not. Wow. Whew. I'm gonna have to increase my self-medication here.... I thought I had a dead skunk in here... turns out, it was my picks I was smelling....

Hey, Wade Phillips?? See ya. Enjoy the rest of the fall, and the Holiday Season at home. You're done. Wow. Ardita, die hard Bears fan, the only person who had that... The Bears should be 0-2, and they're 2-0. The Vikings are 0-2. Favre Hating Nation members will not be at work tomorrow. The partying is going to go deep into the night...

I said before the Packer game that anything less than 38-10 would be a danger sign. 34-7, that's close enough. Although watching that game, the first half seemed a little slow to get going. Luckily the Bills are really bad.

I sort of have the Indy Giants game on... I see the Giants are getting the calls.

Okay, Colts just went up 14-0, and The Fraud That is Eli Manning just threw up an absurd pick into triple coverage... Heh heh, some things never change...

Patriots loss, wow, what happened there... I watched the game, and I'm still not sure what happened. They can stop force-feeding the ball to Moss, that's for sure...

Week 2 is still up in the air. Good luck, and enjoy!

103 Hours...

103 Hours people.

Thursday, September 9th, 8:30 Eastern, 7:30 Central, On NBC, we have The Minnysoda Vikings traveling to New Orleans to face Drew Brees and your Super Bowl Champion New Orleans Saints.

Dare I say, this is a huge game. Huge.

I was watching a little college ball yesterday... Michigan and Michigan State looked okay, actually. But anyway, one of the announcers asks some ex-player color analyst "How do you feel about opening the season against a cupcake opponent??"

(Which, if I may, seemed like a super dumb question. Michigan was playing UConn, who many pundits thought would win the game... Yeah, Michigan was up 21-0 at the time, and cruising, but it wasn't like they were playing South Dakota Southwest Prairie Tech's Intramural Team... It's frickin' UConn. If anything, it was a credit to Michigan, they came out, played crisp, and looked good.)

The analyst said something like this: "I hate it. I'd rather play a big time opponent. If you win the game, it gets your whole season off to a huge start. You're as healthy as you're going to be all year. Nobody has seen your film yet. In many ways, it's your best chance to beat a great team."

Interesting point.

Vikings Saints, Ridiculous game to handicap. I'll just go 1 point, and flip a coin, how about that....

Such crazy talk, from your fearless leader, last year's season's champ. How dare you!!! Flip a coin... disgusting...

Anyway, Matt Leinart, released yesterday. Wow. Does his face go on Mount Bust-More???

Let's back up. Reviewing, Mount Bust-More is the faces of the 4 greatest NFL Busts of all time, carved in stone in Western South Dakota...

At the moment, Mount Bust-More has to be:
1. Tony Mandarich, the Greatest Offensive Line Prospect of all time...
2. JaMarcus Russell, "Jamarcus is a great Quarterback, Get over it!!!" Thanks Al. $40 million, for nothing.
3. Ryan Leaf. I could do a whole blog on this guy... Think back, the Chargers and Colts were 1-2 in that draft, and people were trying to decide, who is better, Leaf or Peyton Manning... I guess we found out!!
4. Andre Ware. Lions fans hate me for bringing him up, but he stunk royally in Detroit, Stunk up the CFL, stunk up NFL Europe, and finally retired. Brutally painful for the Lions, because they were running the "Run and Shoot" at the pro level, specifically to get the most out of Andre Ware... Ugh.

Matt Leinart. At the moment, it's too soon to tell. I can't throw him on that list. He could go somewhere else and be fine.

Maybe Mount Bust-More needs to grow, who knows. Brian Bosworth, anyone?? Heath Schuler. Akili Smith. Lawrence Phillips. Rae Carruth. See?? Starts getting tricky, going to just 4. Google some of those guys if you want a good laugh.

Although, may I quote from Yahoo Sports: "Matt Leinart showed more enthusiasm living the Hollywood life than working hard as a QB. That's why the Cardinals cut him." Aha. Okay, that doesn't bode well....

Bill Bidwell (again, owner of the Cardinals) is out in front of Kurt Warner's house right now with a Brinks truck full of cash, and Bruce Buffer on the microphone, yelling "Let's get readyyyyy to plaaaay foootbaaaaalll!!!"

If you didn't know it already, let me break this to you: This is a Quarterback League. Not that a good QB guarantees you anything, because it doesn't. (Review Rodgers, Aaron, and get back to me. Great QB, his GM does nothing to surround him. O-Line, question mark. Defense, question mark. Running back, non-existent. Special Teams, brutal, painful) But NO QB DOES IN FACT guarantee that you will stink.

The Proof: The Arizona Cardinals. With Warner, you're penciling them in for 10 wins right now, in a real soft division. Without Warner, can they win 6?? 7?? Derek Anderson, Cleveland Castoff. Case closed. You must have a QB.

Actually, some of you may remember this classic quote from when Anderson was released by the Browies: Upon leaving Cleveland, Anderson told The News-Herald, "The fans are ruthless and don't deserve a winner. I will never forget getting cheered when I was injured. I know at times I wasn't great. I hope and pray I'm playing when my team comes to town and (we) roll them."[7] He later apologized for his remarks.

Classic. Sadly, the Cardinals will not play the Browns this year....

Actually, they open at St Louis, who just named Sam Bradford their starter... Heh heh, good luck to Sam Bradford. You think the St Louis O-line is painful to watch?? Try Qb'ing behind it....

Tell you what, Mike Singletary (HC of the 49ers) is dreaming of an NFC West Title right now, with Arizona bowing out... The Rams and the Seahawks?? Please. Pencil the 49ers in right now.

Anyways, with only these few hours left, let's review a few things here:

No offseason could be complete without a Brett Favre Press Conference... okay, check that one off the list...


This is a cheerleader... Courtesy of the Houston Texans. Sure you don't wanna move to Houston?? Egad...


And finally, my sources have uncovered this just-released video of Matt Leinart's departure from Arizona... So long, Matt!!!


Okay, on a serious note, this guy is about to find out what happens when I don't get your money on time.... Get me the check, and get your picks in!!!


Side note: If you ever watched "90210" back in the day, you must check out Bill Simmon's 2-part podcast regarding his "90210" awards, in honor of last week's September second, 2010, which written in date form, is 9/02/10... Go on ESPN page 2, Sports Guy's World, and download those. Or on ITunes, "The BS Report". It's free, so relax.

People have asked me, "Why do you listen to so many podcasts??" Because where I drive for work, there's no radio. Or, there is, but's very eclectic. On 107.1 out of Fond Du Lac the other day, I heard Duran Duran, "Ordinary World". I can't remember the last time I heard Duran Duran on the radio. I'm not gonna lie, I sort of enjoyed it, actually. And I'm not gonna apologize if it ends up on my IPod. Then I heard some girl band (or so I thought) doing the Journey Classic "Don't Stop Believin'"... I was like, huh, who is that, doing that song??? Not that it was bad. So I asked some co-worker, she tells me, "Oh, you probably heard the version from Glee." I'm like, Huh?? What's Glee??? Sounds like a new toothpaste. She says no, it's a TV show, like High School Musical, except it's on TV... Hmm. Whatever. Let me file that under "I'm losing touch with the world, and getting older and less hip every second." And, to those of you who know me, I was never hip to begin with. So, this could be interesting. Although I am watching the Jersey Shore. And let me say briefly, I'm real tired of the whole Sam and Ronnie thing already. Enough. There's so many other lovely sublots developing, let's move it along... And ladies, if you are Sammi, and your boyfriend is Ronnie, and he's barely aware that you are alive, unless it's bedtime... Maybe you should just move on. All the hysterical dramatics are not necessary, and neither is getting back together. Just move on. Really. Save some dignity.

Football related Reality TV Note: Jimmy Johnson is going to be on Survivor. Premieres September 15th on CBS, changing to Wednesday, for no good reason. Yes, THAT Jimmy Johnson. How 'bout Dem Cowboys!!! Heh heh. What's the hair gonna look like after 3 days in the jungle?? Tune in and find out.

Okay, enough of that. Enjoy. And hey, let's be careful out there. And don't forget to have some fun!!

2009 Seasons Champion
Cadillac Pat