Week Two: Lock and Load

Well well well....

First off, Congrats to KATHB4, who already has this frosty beer on ice... Nice job.

KATHB4 had 16 points, 16, on The Arizona Cardinals, on the road, East of the Mississippi, for a 1 PM Eastern start... West coast teams traveleing east for a 1 eastern start are historically 16-378-2 all time ATS. So I had to ask, "What were you thinking?? I love the Cardinals, but still...." She says "Because Jacksonville Sucks!!!" There ya go.

Air Myles, once again making a bold statement as well.

As for me, well, for the moment I'm ahead of SEARS and HIGHZ, and I guess that'll have to do.

I did something I swore, I swore, I would never ever do again, and I've repeated it many times, for you old timers: NEVER NEVER never never NEVER Never Take the Packers for Big Points. Never do it. When I write my Gambling Manifesto, there's gonna be a whole chapter on never taking the Packers big.

Let's look in now, on a dude who should have waxed his truck, and checked the results later, but instead watched the game:

6 minutes into this thriller, we have 3 Packer dropped passes, and 7 points for the Cincy Bangles. A little voice in my head says "This is what happens when you put 14 on the Pack." At this point, I'm not ready to put a pistol in my mouth yet, And I still figure, hey, it's the frickin' Bangles. No. Way. Go. Pack. Go.

(Amazing how wrong I can be, eh??)

I see a highlight clip, Kolb throws a touchdown in the Eagles game, looks good. Donovan who?? (of course they go on to lose badly, but still)

Ahem, back to Cincy.
30 minutes into this one, it's 7-7. Yeah, hey, there's a thought, try getting the ball to Driver, your number one wideout. Mike McCarthy, Offensive Genius.

2nd Quarter, 10:21... After a monster punt return by Cincy, Carson Palmer dives on a keeper and it is ruled a touchdown... except the replay shows he clearly was NOT in, and he FUMBLED in the pile... It looks like Coach McPositive is going to challenge, thank god... whoops, goofball Ed Hochuli has decided the touchdown stands!!!

14-14, in Green Bay. Whoa.

It's time to remove all sharp objects... the Packers look bad, and Ed Hochuli has decided to call this one in his usual goofy style.

At the 7:55 mark, after 3 false starts, and now a false start on the punt team, I wonder why, oh why, oh why, WHY TED WHY do we have to have the YOUNGEST TEAM IN THE FRICKIN' LEAGUE for the FOURTH YEAR IN A ROW!!! Why?? Would it kill us to have a few veterans around, who could maybe get the frickin' ball snapped????

7:09 Good god, a pick 6. Should I be starting to hope here?

(probably not, but it seemed like a good idea at the time.)

A score from the nations capitol, Saint Louis 7, Washington 6. Hmm, luckily, I have 15 points on Washington. Yipes. Where's that Tylenol again???

Back to Green Bay, at the 3:00 minute mark, 2nd quarter, the vaunted Packer Defense, Led by Dom Capers, and his mystical 3-4 defense, ALLOWS A 3RD AND 34 TO BE CONVERTED!!!! First Down Bangles!!! That didn't just happen, did it??

(I think it did...)

(Hold on, I'm gonna wash down a Percodan with a Grey Goose on the rocks here....)

(Whoa. Smooth. Okay, we're back.)

Whoops. I guess Dom Capers didn't see that Flea flicker coming, either.... Yeeee Haaa!

Minnesota 7, Detroit 10. I didn't need that 16 point pick either, I guess... Yikes. I have Minnysoda in my "Last Man standing" Pool too, so that'll be painful. Oddly enough, I have faith in Favre and Peterson... either that, or the medication is kicking in. And, it could be worse. I see my buddy has GREEN BAY in the Last Man Standing Pool...

So, not only should you never take the Packers for big points, you should REALLY never take them in a Last Man Standing Pool... but, I'm getting ahead of myself here...

Jamarcus Russell, 3 completions in 12 attempts at the half. "Jamarcus Russel is a great Quarterback... Get over it!" - Al Davis, 2008. Whatever you say, Al.

Back to the game. Chris Henry just scored, we're at 21-21. Get a Prozac from the front desk, people, you're gonna need it.

With 1:12 left in the half, Ryan Grant drops another ball. Nice drop buddy.

Driver, our only real wideout, draws a PI, and then makes a huge catch!

58 seconds remain, James Jones, nice drop, buddy!!! Nice drop.

And Mason Crosby, hey-oooo, wide left. Your score at the half, 21-21.

(and if Palmer doesn't throw 2 brutal picks, we're getting our asses kicked here... Even though we're tied, it feels like my ass is getting kicked...)

As we return for the second half, Jamarcus Russell is now 3 for 14. Couple more incompletions for his total.

As the 3rd quarter starts to unfold, Ryan Grant, fumblerooski. Nice. Ahhh, has anyone noticed that ryan Grant is NOT a featured back??? Well, I mean, he IS, but he damn well shouldn't be. Edgerrin James was alying around all summer as a free agent. Hey, Ted. Ted! Yeah you, donkey face... you ever heard of a new thing called free agency!??!?!?

Bangles driving.... well, clearly, we need Palmer to put up another INT or something... Our only hope is for Cincy to keep shooting themselves in the foot.

1:09 left in the 3rd, Palmer to Chad OchoCinco, 13 yards, Touchdown! And Chad does the Lambeau Leap! The fans are flipping him the bird! Bedlam! Okay, it ends quickly.

Jennings, another drop. Nice drop buddy, nice drop!!!

Rogers, sacked again.

Punting on 4th and 1, from their 35?? HUh? You don't even TRY the Field Goal??? what is Cincy doing here??? They're shooting themselves in the foot! I'm starting to believe here.... (okay, not really, but I wonder if it's really possible...)

Okay, the possesion of our lives here. Cincy has stupidly punted us the ball, with plenty of time remaining. Here we go, game is on the frickin' line:

1st Down, Ryan Grant, typical nothing line plunge, gains 1 yard. Ryan Grant is not a featured back, people. He's just not. He's Ron Dayne, except his GM is homo for him...

2nd down: Throw into triple coverage, no hope. The replay will show Jordy Nelson was WIDE open for a 15 yard gain on the sidelines. Hmmm.

3rd down, complete jailbreak, Rodgers sacked.

4th down, Punt, Bangle guy fields it, gets a monster runback all the way back to the 30.

Nice sequence, guys. Ugh. That's why I keep a wastebasket near the TV during Packer games. And, uhhh, you definitely wanna go with a plastic liner on that wastebasket. 'nuff said.

I heard a dude once, he said "You play. To win. The game." Coach Mike, you ever heard that one???

1:56 remaining, Cincy comes to their senses, and kicks the dagger field goal. 31-21, inside 2 minutes. Ballgame over. Turn out the lights.

(highlight: Washington wins. wow. Is this an omen?? My 15 pointer just sailed in and tied up at the dock... wow...)

43 seconds, Mason Crosby kicks the field goal. We can't even sniff the end zone. Whatever.

Whaaaa!?!??! We just recovered an onside kick!!! I honestly cannot remember the last time we did that. Holy crap. Should I be hoping here?

(In retrospect, no, you idiot, you should not be hoping. This is the Ted Thompson Packers. Please. You're embarrassing yourself. Go back and Delete that out...)

Driving... 2 seconds... ball is snapped. Nope. Crazy Ed Hochuli strikes again. Gets on the mike and says "Game clock expired before the ball was snapped, and besides, there was a flase start, therefore the game is over." May as well get on and say "Don't even think about challenging this one, coach, the game is over."

and in the last 2 minutes, isn't there an "upstairs booth review" guy, to hit the buzzer and say "hold on there, applesauce, we're takin' a look..."

I guess not.

Congrats to KATHB4! Winner of week Two!

Time for the Cowboys to open the new Texas Stadium. Later, people.