Less than 2 weeks!!

Well, less than 2 weeks, until an acutal professional tackle football game of significance takes place. All the draft talk, all the training camp, all the free agents won and lost... Now, we put the rubber to the road, and see what we've got!

A little housekeeping to start, last season, I made a reference to Al Davis and Emporer Palpatine from Star Wars... It has come to my attention that some of you are not as big of Star Wars fans as you should be.

Let me help you out:

Emporer Palpatine, aka Darth Sidious, aka the Emporer...



Al Davis, Owner of the Oakland Raiders...



I'm sure you see the resemblance. And now his head coach is facing charges for delivering a beat-down on one of his own assistants.... It's gone beyond soap opera out there, in the city next to the city by the Bay.... It's reeling out of control now... (San Fran is the City by the Bay, Oakland is across the bay from San Fran... try to keep up, people...)

Anyways, how about a quick season preview??? Sure, why not.

AFC East: All you need to know about this division is The New England Patriots. They will will win the Super Bowl.

That about covers that....

What, you wanted more?? (sigh....) Okay, whatever. I think the Bills are highly overrated, and Dick Jauron will finally be fired. Has anyone got more mileage out of a Coach of the Year Title than Jauron??? Named CotY in Chicago in 01... Aside from that, it's been pretty dismal. Miami is an 8-8 team. Jets will bring up the rear.

AFC North: Wide open division. I still am not sold on the Steelers. The Cowboys had them put away in early December, and let them off the mat. Baltimore could easily win this division. If Carson Palmer is healthy, the Cincinatti Bengals D could surprise some people, and their offense could be explosive. Okay, the division is not open to the Browns. Sorry Cleveland.

AFC South: Very intriguing Division. The Tennessee Titans took the best record in the AFC into the playoffs last year, and after a whole season of getting big turnovers and protecting the ball, they committed turnovers, and lost to Baltimore, despite dominating the game statistically. Tony Dungy has left the INdianapolis Colts... What about Houston, who could be improving?? Whaddaya make of the Jacksonville Jaguars?? Okay, sorry, THIS division is WIDE OPEN. If you held a gun to my head, I'd say okay, Titans win the division, Colts go to the playoffs on a wild card, and nobody wants to play them.

AFC West: What used to be a fun division is now San Diego, and a lot of "not exactly". Oakland, Denver, KC... not exactly. The only problem with San Diego is that Norv Turner is still their head coach... However, I feel they will overcome. Heck, if LT is healthy, they go go deep into the playoffs, and get blasted by the Patriots in the AFC Cahmpionship in Foxboro... Every San Diego kid's dream, right?? To freeze your butt off and lose??

The NFC, finally...

The NFC East. Without a doubt, the most intriguing division in football. Brutal. 3 of these teams (Eagles, Giants, Cowboys) are top ten teams in power rankings. Washington comes in at 12. There is no other division in football that "stacked" with power. None.

I don't see how adding Michael Vick helps the Eagles. It has a real aroma of charity to me... And I really wonder how the Eagles are the "perfect fit" for the troubled Vick, who needs to be "mentored" back into society... Aren't Andy Reid's kids raging drug addicts who ended up in the pokey??? And you know how I feel about The Fraud that is Eli Manning... (or if you didn't, you do now.)

So the obvious pick here is... The Dallas Cowboys!! And if Jason Campbell improves a little, cuts out a few mistakes, there's no reason the Redskins can't get a wild card out of this...

The NFC North. A topic near and dear to a few hearts here. To me personally, the Vikings are the team to beat. They're coming off a 10-6 season in which they had zero Quarterback play. Zero. Adrian Peterson is a beast, and their D is tough. And one way or another, they have greatly upgraded at Quarterback. If Favre can play halfway decent, look out. If he can't, Tavaris Jackson is bound to have improved some in the offseason... The only real challenge to them is Green Bay. I wish these preseason games counted, because GB has looked great. This Defense is something. You all know my feelings on preseason though... The Lions were 4-0 last year in preseason. So, check yourself, but the optomism barometer is rising up here in the frozen tundra... And Aaron Rodgers, whaddaya want? The dude threw for 4000 yards last year. I've already drank my glass of shut the eff up juice....

The Bears still suck, and Detroit is Detroit... 'nuff said.

The NFC South: This division in New Orleans to lose, if you ask me. Carolina, in a bizarro-world kind of stat, was 2-6 at home last year, and HC John Fox, who has a career record of 63-49, is 24-24 at home. Huh??? Ya GOTTA win at home, coach. Yikes. Atlanta?? They're gonna play a tougher schedule, and they lost 5 starters from their Defense. Tampa, I love you guys, but Jon Gruden is gone, which could be a problem. That could be painful. Plus, their schedule is BRUTAL. Brutal. They open with Dallas. Ouch. Week 3, the Giants. Oct 4th at Washington. Oct 11th at Philly. 4 NFC East Opponents in your first 5 weeks?? By this time, I see the wheels coming off. October 25th, a "home game" in LONDON against the New England Patriots??? Ouch. I'm gonna need a Percodan just to get through the rest of their schedule, excuse me a second...

(waiting...)

Okay, I'm back. November 8th, Green Bay... doesn't bode well. I see a very painful season. Buc fans, get out your posters from '02, and pop that 02 Super Bowl win into your DVD player....

Ahh, the NFC West. This would be so easy, I just take the Arizona Cardinals. And it should be easy. They have Chris "Beannie" Wells at running back now. And any time you have Warner and Larry Fitzgerald, hey, that's a lotta offense. But, they will be fighting the "Super Bowl Loser" Curse. In this decade, 7 of 8 Super bowl losers have not made the playoffs the following year. Including last year's Patriots, who probably deserved to go, but... so if not the Cards, then who?? Seattle? San Fran?? St Louis??? Seattle did pick up TJ Houshmandzadeh (probably spelled wrong), and drafted Aaron Curry... Maybe Seattle. San Fran drafted Michael Crabtree, and he looks like he's gonna sit out the year... Even if he signed today, he'll be a rookie non-factor this year. St Louis could improve, and a division this easy, you could make a big move and win the division... This division is easy. The Cardinals power rating from last year puts them BEHIND every team in the NFC East. Yeah, exactly.

So, to sum up:

AFC Playoff Teams:
New England, Pittsburgh, Baltimore, Indy, Tennesee, and San Diego.

NFC Playoff Teams:
Dallas, New Orleans, Vikings, Arizona, Packers, Eagles

Super Bowl:

New England over Minnesota

Get your money in!!! Time is running out! Like they say at the track, get to the window, to avoid being shut out!!

Who Woulda Thought???

Greetings!

Well, who would have thought???

We went from this:



To This:



Well, me, for one....

I had several bets with people, and I said all along "He's playing for the Vikings". Why does a dude put $30 grand down on a condo in Eden Prairie, if he's not coming?? Why does his family buy hundreds of game tickets, and rent 30 or 40 hotel rooms, if he's not coming??

Exactly. He doesn't.

Packer Nation is of course up in arms, the horror of it all, ohhh, the humanity...

My people on the ground tell me Vikings Fans are psyched beyond belief....

As George Kostanza once famously said "You wanna get nuts?? Alright, LETS GET NUTS!!!"

I say, bring it on. Sports Radio hosts have to fill 3 hours a day with SOMETHING, am I right??? Why not this??

October 5th, 2009, mark your calendars... The Packers will travel to the Metrodome to play the hated Vikings, and Brett Favre, on Monday Night Football. The implications boggle the mind.

If the Packers WIN, not only will Packer Nation raise their heads and say hallelujiah, but Aaron Rodgers can probably pass around glasses of "Shut the Eff Up" juice to all his detractors. And Uncle Tedly can rest easy in his office, knowing that, for now, the heat will be off....

If the Packers LOSE, well, you may want to retreat to your bunker of ultimate security (or is it the bunker of ultimate paranoia, I keep forgetting...) and lock the door, because all effing hell is gonna break loose....

It's gonna be kind of surreal, I think. I'm already picturing the scene at Buffalo Wild Wings... Aaron Kampman is coming around the right side, unblocked, getting ready to unload on #4, and the assembled masses of Packer Fans will be screaming "KILL HIM!!!" That is surreal... Kill #4?? Kill the greatest player we had since the late 1960's?? Kill the player that made us relevant again?? Kill Him??

The Packers have looked pretty good in preseason... Ask the Lions about preseason. A reminder to those of you new to class, the Lions were 4-0 in preseason last year, before authoring the first ever 0-16 regular season. Matt Millen's Magnum Opus, if you will...

For those of you not quite as over-educated and under-employed as me:

Magnum opus: from the Latin meaning great work,[2] refers to the largest, and perhaps the best, greatest, most popular, or most renowned achievement of an author, artist, or composer, or General Manager of a Football Team...

See, I really am all about the teaching.... bwwaaahhh-haaawwww!!! I couldn't even keep a straight face!

Anyways... T.O. is hurt, yawn. Packers crushed those Bills the other night. Crushed. 21-0 at one point early, and it wasn't that close!

Couple weeks here people. I have some people signed up, I have some money. Thanks to those people. I will be sending an email, letting you know I got your money, so, If you don't get an email in a few days, but you paid, let me know.

Please have your money ready....

Bwwwaaaaahhhh ahahaha ahahah !!!

Wow, did you ever think football season would get here???

I didn't. Summer has been great, though... When I signed off, I was freezing to death, and it turned out, I was in for 6 more months of winter.... If I had known that, I might well have inserted a large-caliber handgun in my mouth....

The pool is once again open. Please shower before jumping in. 'Preciate that.

Just to remind ourselves who the "Targets" are, Last year SEARS won the season... which means we'll be treated to a year of insufferable gloating...

ELUSIVE was second. A perennial power picker.

LEO WOODS was third, another powerhouse, a retired dude who literally has ALL DAY to analyze the National Football League.

I'd probably be remiss if I didn't mention that BADGERGIL won 4 weeks, an amazing accomplishment, as did VBS!!! And KATHB4 won 3 weeks. The rest of us were left with crumbs.

Well, it's still entirely too early for analysis, but that never stopped me before... The Fraud That Is Eli Manning (TFTIEM) just signed a monster deal. Hmm, not bad for a career 56% passer, rating in the mid 70's... wow.

I'm pouring through the stats here, looking for somebody comparable. Okay, people aren't sure about Tony Romo, but I see he's a 63% passer with a 94 rating, okay, he's way better than The Fraud...

Let's see, who else... Okay, Matt Schaub of Houston, he's a 66% passer, with an 83 rating.. better. Okay, here's a couple dudes who are right in Eli's zone... Luke McCown of the Tampa Bay Bucs, 60% passer, 75 rating. That's Eli! Ya think Luke McCown will be signing a blockbuster deal anytime soon???

(waiting....)

Naaah, me neither.

Byron Leftwich, okay, here's another one. 58% passer, 80 rating. Positively Eli-esque in his performance. Show Byron the money!!!

Not to bring up a touchy subject, but as much as we've heard about Favre's "terrible" season last year, he was a 66% passer, with an 81 rating... looks better than Eli to me.... and if you thrown in more years of his career, he goes waaaay up....

Alright people, meet and greet, get a drink, get your snacks ready... The season is starting again real soon. Great to see you again, let's get ready to get it on....

Cadillac Pat