Saturday, January 22, 2011

Center of the Universe..

Hey, what's up???

My last thought was, The Packers are going nowhere.

Apparently, we might be going somewhere. Much to my surprise.

I'm speaking to you from the Center of the Universe. Yes, Soldier Field, Chicago Illinois, is roughly 100 miles to the southeast my current location, in the Bunker of Ultimate Football. About 140 miles to the Northeast, Green Bay Wisconsin.

Let me clarify something for you: Packers Bears is a huge huge game when both teams are well under .500, in week 16, playing out the string at the end of a meaningless and pathetic season. And that's happened PLENTY of times, believe me.

So, I'm not sure how you express this verbally, how big this is. This game is going to scar a fan base for life, one way or another. This game will talked about, broken down, and analyzed frame by frame like the Zapruder film for the next 5 years.

We're about to watch it unfold. 26 hours from now, we will be witnesses to Armageddon. 1 fan base will remember these plays, talk about these plays, and remember the 38 hour out of control celebration bash that followed, including how much their attorney's fees were. The other fan base will need medication, psychotherapy, and more medication, to have any hope of living a normal life after this game.

Well, maybe not, but let me say this: if the winner of THIS game goes on to WIN the SUPER BOWL, this game will be immortalized in song, in print, on YouTube, and in the hearts and minds of their fan base, forever. The young people in your life, those 8-18 years old, handcuff them if you have to, take away their FaceTube and their Smartphone, and sit them down, and make them watch this game...

Anyways, I could sense this epic clash coming. I knew something was up when a gambling degenerate acquaintance layed this on me prior to the playoffs:

GDB (Gambling Degenerate Buddy): "I've locked and loaded the Seahawks HEAVY in this game" (Note: We're talking Rams at Seahawks here, Wild Card Playoffs)

Me: Seahawks?!?!?

GDB: "Yep. It's the only possible outcome. The Bears are the luckiest team in football. All the way back in week one, the Lions score the winning touchdown, and the refs take it away. Everyone who was watching a television set knew that was a touchdown. And on and on. So, the only logical conclusion is that Seattle wins, travels to Chicago for a playoff game."

Me: Hmmm....

--one week later--

GDB: "Packers are going to beat Atlanta"

Me: And you know this because...

GDB: "Because if Atlanta wins, the crazy lucky Bears have to go to Atlanta to play a team that is tough as nails at home for a Super Bowl berth. Having the Packers in Chicago would be the huge break they need. "

Me: Hmmm...

Now this week, he's backing off. He has the Bears and the points, but for a very small amount. If his theory holds, he should be on the Bears big time, but he's not.

It's Packers Bears. Anything could happen.

Offense: Advantage Packers

We have this:


Or this:


Enough said on that?? I thought so.

Defense: Tie

This:


Or This:


Special Teams: Advantage Bears

Here's your worst nightmare:


If your punter is trying to make a play on the electric Devin Hester, something has gone horribly wrong with your game plan....

How about those Patriots!! Whoops!! I think I want a Federal Investigation into that game, to find out who it was in those Patriots uniforms. What the Martz was that?!?!?

I'm not a Jets believer. At all. I'm not a Sanchez believer. He is not accurate, period. Against the Colts, they basically took the ball out of his hand in the second half.... I mean, if you can't throw well in Lucas Oil Stadium, indoors, Indianapolis, where CAN you throw??? Last week, same thing, handoffs and dink and dunk.

So, if you want a gambling tip, I'd say stay away from the Packers Bears, and load up on the Steelers. My only worry there is the Steelers O-Line is really banged up. Really banged up.

Final thought: Bears fan or Packers Fan, the best thing that ever happened is the Patriots lost. As a Packer fan, look, we beat the Jets in New York, and I'm not scared of the Steelers. The Patriots, I want no part of, in a Super Bowl. On a neutral field, we could handle the Steelers. Provided of course it's not going to be officiated the same way that Cardinals Super Bowl was two years ago... And the Jets would be a dream. Ohhh - Ver! Raaa - ted! (clap! clap! clapclapclap!!!) Packers-Jets. Ahhhh... I'm already having flashbacks to Cowboys-Bills, Super Bowl 27....

On that thought, enjoy the games!!!

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